RUN
Extract from Pages 19-31
The
play is set entirely during out of office running exercise and follows the
employees of Libre Incorporated as they invite their new boss to join them
before the formal restructuring process begins.
The
play is performed in the round and often actors should be miming running on the
spot unless stated.
FADE
TO BLACK / LIGHTS UP
WENDY self-consciously
stretches to comic effect while dressed in casual sports gear. EDDIE enters and watches her as she stretches
EDDIE: You should pull your leg further back so
you can feel the strain down the middle
WENDY (caught
unaware): What
EDDIE: I didn’t catch your name?
WENDY:
Wendy
EDDIE: From the food hall?
WENDY: HR actually
EDDIE: Human Resources
WENDY: Eddie Shellborn isn’t it?
EDDIE: Yeah,
WENDY: I was looking through your files only the
other day
EDDIE: Up for promotion no doubt?
WENDY: No
EDDIE: Good, happy where I am
WENDY: Oh …. This is the 5.15
EDDIE: The 5.15!
Wendy: The 5.15 meeting on Inter departmental
Employment Cost Saving Phase 1
EDDIE: I thought you were just here to run
WENDY: Yeah he likes to mix things up doesn’t
he, fancies himself as a bit of a maverick
EDDIE: Who?
WENDY: Mr Aquis
EDDIE: Lecture
WENDY: He should be here soon, these executives
are never late you’re always too early
EDDIE: Hamilton is coming here?
WENDY: Didn’t get the email?
EDDIE: No
WENDY: All informal we are just going to put
forward some ideas and iron out a few issues to see how your department could
be run more effectively
EDDIE: I don’t run I race
WENDY: Oh
EDDIE: Just a natural winner, I’m not
competitive it just comes naturally. Winning that is!
WENDY: Oh, against who?
TAM enters
EDDIE: Everyone, anyone, mainly myself. I think
inside every good winner is a beaten loser, like two sides of the coin
WENDY: Good for you.
EDDIE quickly
walks over to TAM
EDDIE: Who’s Wendy?
TAM: Big tits. I don’t know
EDDIE: I’ll tell you who she is. She’s from HR and she knows my name
TAM: So what?
EDDIE: Surname and all
TAM: Maybe she likes you
EDDIE: When is it ever good that someone from HR
knows your name?
TAM: When you’re up for promotion
EDDIE: I’m not
TAM: Don’t worry. I am sure your inner winner
will be revealed by the end of the process.
EDDIE: I know it’s only the informal
consultation period but they are already lining me up
TAM: Chill. Kai invited Hamilton.
EDDIE: Why
TAM: I have my feminine ways.
EDDIE: Oh great, so while you and Kai are riding
off into the sunset with our new boss I’ll be left with Wendy to discuss my
career options?
TAM: Not at all, I have talked Kai into keeping
a steady pace so no one gets left behind.
HAMILTON enters,
everyone looks up and acknowledges his presence.
HAMILTON: So you must be Kai’s followers. I’ve
come to join your herd.
TAM: Tamsin, call me Tam
HAMILTON: Nice to meet you Pam.
EDDIE: Eddie Shellborn
HAMILTON: Can I call you Ed,
EDDIE: Like the horse.
HAMILTON: Makes things quicker. And Wendy, glad
to see you got the email? Directions were good?
WENDY: Yeah, directions were fine
HAMILTON: Everything in the email was clear?
WENDY: Yeah,
HAMILTON: It’s just you don’t seem dressed for
the occasion
WENDY: Joggers and a hoodie
HAMILTON: More fitting for council estate really
than serious attire for an exercise in terrestrial locomotion
WENDY: I thought we were going for run in the
park
HAMILTON (to everyone): What did I say in the
all staff presentation adaptability, multitasking and preparation are essential
attributes to Libre Incorporated’s future
WENDY: Agreed but..
HAMILTON: Now look at Pam, she’s dressed for the
occasion
WENDY: With more notice maybe
HAMILTON (to Tam): Is that a Bookhill shirt
trackster with Dri FIT fabric plush mesh panels on side streams for extra
ventilation?
TAM: Guilty as charged.
HAMILTON: Smooth
WENDY: It’s a lovely pattern
HAMILTON: And even Ed who is clearly not the
Olympian compensates in other departments. If I am not mistaken that Adics
Impact line Mico light jacket with matching light wear trackie bottoms not
to mention some tasty NIKE Lunar Air
Glides 2.1s.Correct?
EDDIE: They’re actually replica’s I got from the
market
HAMILTON: You got me. (fake laugh) Got me. But as
long as it looks like a Nike Lunar Air Glides 2.1s Whose to argue they don’t
run like Nike Lunar Air Glides 2.1s?
TAM: Nike
EDDIE: Doing more with less
HAMILTON: Good man. Someone did listen to my
presentation.
WENDY: I brought the proposal
HAMILTON: Let get our priorities right, we are
in the informal consultation period. No need for white papers. We’re just
sharing amongst friends
WENDY: You did ask
HAMILTON: I’ll have a look after we have put
some Ks under our feet. Get my body up to speed with my brain. Here comes the
man himself.
KAI enters
HAMILTON: Kai, it’s good to see you back in your
element
KAI: Pleasure. You met the gang
HAMILTON: Just putting me through my paces
EDDIE: Helping him run more efficiently
HAMILTON: (laugh
at EDDIE) Sharp yet round. Like it. (To
KAI) Do you know Wendy .Wendy and I had a meeting planned, I hope you don’t
mind?
KAI: No…. of course not
HAMILTON: Good, because I was thinking this type
of group activity could really bond the staff as a team. Become a forum to put
forward new ideas during these challenging times. Free runners. Free thinkers. Thinking on the
move.
KAI: Do you have an idea where you want to run?
HAMILTON: Oh no, keep to the usual routine. I
want to see you in your environment.
Just treat me as an observer, like Attenborough with his apes.
KAI: Ok we’ll start by stretching
HAMILTON: Great
KAI (to HAMILTON standing too close): You’ll need to step back
HAMILTON: Naturally
Farcical stretching as everyone looks at each other as they stretch for
reassurance with the exception of KAI.
HAMILTON: Do you remember our chance encounter
in July Kai?
KAI: Yeah.. in the park
HAMILTON: Let me tell you guys this man said
just a few words and they really got stuck in my head “No need to follow
anyone's lead. Make your own way.” I want to use it in my new PPPP
Presentation. Perfecting our Planning Policy Procedure
EDDIE: That’s a lot of Ps
HAMILTON: “Make your own way,” that’s the kind
of men we need right now
TAM coughs
HAMILTON: You alright Pam?
TAM: Tam, its Tam
HAMILTON (Ignoring
TAM thinking aloud): Go your own
way.
EDDIE: Kai certainly does that. I mean look at
those shorts!
TAM: I
like his short shorts
WENDY: And plimsolls
HAMILTON: Some men make their own style. Others
merely follow
KAI turns
his head to see everyone imitating his stretching as well as talking about him,
he quickly stops stretching and shrugs it off, the group continues to imitate
KAI until he stands still and stares each one in the eye
KAI: Great. Everyone ready
Group get into position to run KAI painfully awaits everyone to get in position before they go
KAI: Let’s go
FADE TO BLACK/LIGHTS UP
All
five are in line running at the same pace, KAI centre
stage
TAM: (in a
hushed voice to KAI) Don’t worry.
No one’s has been left behind.
KAI: (in a
hushed voice to TAM) That Wendy
won’t survive and Eddie already got his right side cheek stretch going.
HAMILTON:
Think Zen, Brain and body as one;
EDDIE (painful
grimace): M, my bloody knee
HAMILTON: Keep positive man, movement and morale
are one and the same
EDDIE: It’s just sore tendons
HAMILTON: Got to keep moving to keep happy
EDDIE: Me, I‘m happy as Larry
HAMILTON:
From finance, we should bring him along, give us some running
estimations. How you holding up Wendy?
WENDY: Huh yEah
HAMILTON: That’s it, own that breath
EDDIE: (aside)
Like it’s your last
HAMILTON: Just got to find a speed which has no
time for air
Noticeably
irritated by
HAMILTON, KAI deliberately quickens the
pace and exits the stage
HAMILTON: That’s my boy, keep moving, he knows
he could be happier. You’ll only learn by catching him
HAMILTON brings
up the pace in pursuit and exits the stage TAM looks at EDDIE
EDDIE: I’m happy where I am
WENDY: (nod)
HUH
TAM makes
an apologetic face to EDDIE and quickens
the pace and exits the stage
EDDIE: So do you exercise often?
WENDY: N-O
EDDIE: Really, could have fooled me
FADE TO BLACK LIGHTS UP
KAI runs
centre with HAMILTON and TAM either
side, EDDIE and WENDY significantly
behind
HAMILTON: Not afraid to leave people behind I
like that
KAI: I like the solitude
HAMILTON: Got to be your own man
TAM: Or woman
HAMILTON: Now as the front runners in our
department let me tell you our vision
KAI: Sometimes I run with my eyes closed
HAMILTON: Seeing is not always believing, I like
it
KAI closes
his eyes HAMILTON smiles, takes
self-consciously deep breath and closes his eyes to TAM’s disgust.
TAM: Kind of Dangerous,
HAMILTON: No it’s ballsy, fearless, free,
elemental, natural, instinctive!
KAI opens
his eyes to signal his annoyance to TAM
HAMILTON: It’s exactly the kind of blind risk
taking we need. Men venturing into the dark, carving out a new era from
nothing, men who voluntarily put their heads over the precipice and laugh at
the idea of danger, from the others rubble these men will reap. They who are
not afraid of doing it, getting it done, finishing it off, whacking it
out, bish bash bossing it, bringing it,
banging it, kabooming it, MEN, who HUUH,
ahh
TAM deliberately
trips HAMILTON out of anger and
KAI catches him
HAMILTON (eyes
open): How did you know?
KAI: Elemental, natural, instincitive
HAMILTON: Huuh
FADE TO BLACK/ LIGHTS UP
Reverse
angle of the previous scene, EDDIE and WENDY (now struggling
to find her breath) are chasing the
backs of KAI, HAMILTON and TAM
WENDY: I-t’s jus- fi-ding, a- be-ter w-ay of
workin
EDDIE: By sacking people?
WENDY: Depar-mental shar-ing
EDDIE: More work for less
WENDY: No, no its Inter huh depart…ment spend-in
huh
EDDIE: Blanket Pay freeze
WENDY: And share-ing company, losses
EDDIE: More sackings
WENDY: It-’s not, that simple …..hhuh
EDDIE: I think you need to stop love
WENDY: No.. we… re.. all .. in th-is to-gether,
te-am pla-yers, all the way, huhh, I jus, ne-ed to sh---, show Mr Aquis ..huh..
our lat-est propo..sal (takes three deep
slow breaths) on work efficiency, huh huh huh
FADE TO BLACK / LIGHTS UP
Reverse
angle on the previous scene. KAI, HAMILTON and TAM at the front and EDDIE and WENDY positioned back
HAMILTON: Take away token targets
TAM: Where does the incentive go?
HAMILTON: Make the best person in the team set
the pace. They become your target
TAM: But what motivates them?
KAI: Fear
HAMILTON: Exactly, the hot bed of in house
competition
KAI: Fear of themselves
HAMILTON: Deep
KAI runs
off troubled and exits the stage
HAMILTON: And dedicated
FADE TO BLACK/ LIGHTS UP
Reverse
angle returning to EDDIE and WENDY following the backs of
HAMILTON, TAM and KAI slightly further
ahead
EDDIE: Look slow down you don’t need to keep up
WENDY: HUhh
EDDIE: We’re going to travel the same distance,
they‘ll just get there sooner
WENDY: Ef-fi-cie-nc-y,
EDDIE: Exactly, slow fuck down and use that
energy when it’s important
FADE TO BLACK/ LIGHTS UP
Reverse
angle. KAI has
now moved further ahead front stage, HAMILTON and TAM are mid stage at the front and
EDDIE and WENDY backstage
HAMILTON: He’s really pulled away, shows his resolve
TAM (sarcastically):
I’m sure that’s what he intended
Scream
from the back as WENDY
stumbles and then collapses on the floor struggling to
breathe. TAM and HAMILTON quickly turn their heads
FADE TO BLACK / LIGHTS UP
Reverse
angle.
EDDIE is standing over WENDY attempting to help her breath in the front
stage. HAMILTON and TAM are mid stage
and KAI backstage all three groups with their backs to the audience
EDDIE: Oh Christ, breathe woman
WENDY: In—haler
EDDIE: Fuck, Let me run to get some help, (pause) fuck fuck fuck fuckin hell? (shouting) fucking HELP HELP
TAM and HAMILTON
run back
TAM: What happened?
EDDIE: Fuck me
HAMILTON: This is really counterproductive guys
EDDIE: She’s having a fucking asthma attack
HAMILTON: No need panic she’s had one of these
before
TAM: Sit her up straight
WENDY (attempting
to give directions): In-haler
EDDIE (holding and searching her): No pockets
HAMILTON: Told you preparation is essential
TAM: Where, love?
WEMDY: F Off--ice
KAI runs
back and joins them
KAI: Christ
TAM: She’s having an asthma attack, left her
inhaler at the office
HAMILTON: I hate to say it but I told you it
would be counterproductive to turn round
KAI: I’ll get help
KAI runs
off stage left
HAMILTON: hero to the rescue
HAMILTON’s watch
alarm goes off
HAMILTON: Oh no I am not going to be late for
dinner with Sal again
TAM: Breathe deep now sweetheart
HAMILTON: Sorry guys, got to go, can you
reassure me everything is going to be fine otherwise I am going to be late for
an appointment?
WENDY: FFF OFF
HAMILTON: It’s not life or death but I have not
seen him in a while so it would be great if I had all your reassurance that
everything is under control.
EDDIE: I think Wendy wanted to show you her
efficiency proposal
HAMILTON: Not slow in every department, good man
WENDY FFFF OFF
WENDY unzips
her hoodie to reveal a file and hands it to HAMILTON
HAMILTON: What are you like? Forget your inhaler
but brought the proposal? Priorities!
WENDY: Fu- OFFF
HAMILTON: For the office I know. Lovely conversing. Until next week
HAMILTON leaves
TAM: Glad to see we’re all in this together
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